Something 4 The Weekend by
Welcome ladies, gentlemen and film
fans everywhere to entertainment manchester's weekly
feature 'Something for the Weekend'. Every Friday, we
deliver to you the best (and, in the interest of balance,
worst) of this week's new cinematic releases. If, as
Forrest Gump once might have said were he a film fan,
cinema really is like a box of chocolates, then think
of us as your mini-menu, steering you away from the
coffee creams and towards the Turkish delights of the
movie world.
Somewhere in a field in Hampshire, a film fan prays:
"Oh great god of cinema! We kneel at your feet and beseech you. What, praytell, have you bestowed on us this week? Give us something good so that we may all flock to our local cinemas to see the stars of today in some top-rate moving pictures!"
Silence fills the air. Until…
SCHAZAM!
"What's this!? Oh great metal lord, what have you delivered this week? (a long pause) Hmmm, Basic Instinct 2? Starring Stan Collymore...
...I'm turning Scientologist!
Yes, you heard the convertee, folks, this week, presumably due to overwhelming public demand, the sequel to Paul Verhoven's late night Channel 5 favourite finally arrives in the shape of Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction.
Directed by Michael Caton-Jones and starring Sharon Stone, David Morrissey and, yes, Stan Collymore, it follows Catherine Trammel, murderous, bisexual, nymphomaniac author as she is investigated by Morrissey's psychiatrist Michael Glass. We don't know for sure, but we'll take a wild guess and say that poor old Glass may go the same way as Michael Douglas did in the first film and have to hop into Shazza's bed on several occasions. He has our sympathies.
But enough of that, we know what you want to know. You wanna know about Stan. Well, according to his IMDB biography, Stan "was regarded by some as one of the most gifted, charismatic and outspoken soccer players of his or any generation" who after "scoring some of the most amazing goals in recent football history, combined with a highly intuitive mind, natural screen charisma and athleticism, decided to make the break from pro sports, and move into his second love, movies."
In the film, he plays Kevin Franks who, playing up to his infamous dogging activities, has sex with Trammel (he has our sympathies) in a car in the film's opening. But it could all have been so different. Collymore's an interesting casting choice without doubt, but rumours that David Cronenberg was linked to the directing job in pre-production are even juicier. Our suggestion: Keep Collymore, bring in Cronenberg and replace David Morrisey with the other Morrissey and then you'd have a Basic Instinct we'd want to act upon.
Another old star making a comeback this week is Harrison Ford, starring with the brilliant Paul Bettany in thriller Firewall. Being a Harrison Ford film it entails the one time Han Solo running around a lot, shouting a lot, being blown up a lot and generally having to save his family from an evil man (in this case Bettany). But this time it’s set in a bank. Oooooooooooooh!
Chick flick of the week comes in the shape of Failure to Launch, starring that horse woman from Sex and the City. Personally, I thought it was a film about Viagra when I first heard the title, but is in fact one of those horrendous looking feel-good comedies with Parker playing a woman who is hired by the parents of Matthew McGonaughey’s Tripp to get the middle aged chump out of their house, until - aaaah - they fall in love. So, Hitch with breasts then. The ever delightful Zooey Deschanel co-stars as Parker’s - and I shudder to say this - gal pal, but there really does seem little else to recommend it by.
Much like the two kiddies offerings this week. It does seem a little early to be packing them in for Easter, but that hasn’t stopped the makers of Cheaper By The Dozen rip-off Yours, Mine and Ours and The Shaggy Dog, whose poster features the cold, dead, once funny eyes of Tim Allen transplanted onto the face of a dog in what must go down as the scariest movie poster ever conceived. Yep, even worse than the 3-D Jaws one that ate Marty McFly in Back to the Future Part 2.
But if they don’t tickle your fancy (and why the hell would they?), how about something a little more serious? The final ever Merchant Ivory production is released in the shape of The White Countess, starring Ralph Fiennes and two Redgraves (Lynn and Vanessa). Following last year's Hotel Rwanda the war-torn country is once more put under the spotlight thanks to the John Hurt starring Shooting Dogs and finally, Daniel Day Lewis is once again back from making shoes in Italy for The Ballad of Jack and Rose, directed by wife Rebecca Miller. Day Lewis' next role is rumoured to be in Paul Thomas Anderson's There Will Be Blood. So there is a God after all.
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